I never wanted to do it. I never created a plan. I just wouldn’t continue waking up.
I haven’t turned my computer on in over a month. So as I type, my computer dings. My computer is trying to catch up on all of the conversations I have had over the last month. The messages blur in front of my screen the way the memories of the last month flash in my mind.
I’m just trying to come back. It’s so hard. Last night I went out with friends the way I normally would, and it felt so strange. I became overtly aware of the paradigm shifts that have occurred in the last month.
I’m aware that it has been two months since I have updated on here, but truth be told, I didn’t realize it had been that long until I saw the date.
I want to be aware of what is happening in the world. I also want to hide under a rock and not handle social situations.
A few months ago I wrote, “Do you ever feel like you are losing all grips on reality? Like you can’t keep up with the days, and a minute blends into a month, and a month turns into three.” These words should have been the point where I realized how sick I am. Yes, I used the word “sick”. I am sick. I was diagnosed with a disorder that tells me just that.