Adjusting or Reality 

One day I’m okay. The next day I can’t see straight. One day I know who I am, and the next I am searching for who that person was. What’s scary is that I have been able to convince myself for so long that this is all normal.
For a long time I thought I was just trying to get used to my new job. I was just trying to adjust to my grandfather passing. I was just adjusting to the state of disarray my family is in.

No

Because before that it was just adjusting to school. I was just adjusting to living on my own. I was just adjusting to a horrible breakup.

Before that, I was adjusting to a concussion. Adjusting to a renewed walk with the Lord. Adjusting to graduating college. Trying to figure out where to go to school. Making sure I would get all of my credits to graduate. Adjusting to mom working again. Getting over broken and lost friendships. Mourning Stella’s death.

And before that it was adjusting to Texas. I was just mourning the death of Keith. I was just getting over selling the coffee shop.

It goes back and back and back and doesn’t stop. Because the bottom line is: this isn’t healthy, and it’s not normal.
As I was typing each of those things it was like living someone else’s life. Those all happened to me, but I don’t feel like I own those memories. If I was any less stable, I would probably be able to convince myself that those memories were planted in my brain and that I actually don’t own them.

It’s raining outside. My roommate hasn’t made it home yet, so of course I am freaking out… Only on a few occasions have I felt comfortable when it rains, since December.

I have such a strange response to light and sound. It just sets me off.

Advertisements

About macycrone

I'm just going to be real, sorry to offend.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s