Are you worried about me? I am worried about me.
Do you see the tears in my eyes? I can’t see through them.
Did you notice I couldn’t get out of bed today? It engulfed me with its promise to bury my secrets.
Do you even notice that I am lying through my teeth? I desperately need you too.
Why don’t you call me out? You have the power to save me, because right now I can’t save myself.
I am tired of fighting. I am tired of feeling. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
I thought I was okay… like I always do. I use all the coping mechanisms, yet nothing is helping.
Dad asks what is stressing me out. He doesn’t understand, and I can’t explain, how much deeper it is than that.
I almost left today, but the Lord beckoned me to stay. My roommate reached out and acknowledged the pain I feel – it’s all I needed. She comforted me and reminded me that it’s okay how I feel.
Sue at The Well shared with me tonight that she struggles with feeling like the Lord has abandoned her, and I was able to look her in the eyes and say, “God does not abandon.” I believed every word.
Hey God, it’s really hard talking to you right now, because I am too tired to fight anymore. I just need something more. Please give me something different. I need something new. Please fix me, because I can’t do this anymore. I am about to give up, God. I need you. Amen