We all do what we can 

Are you worried about me? I am worried about me. 

Do you see the tears in my eyes? I can’t see through them. 

Did you notice I couldn’t get out of bed today? It engulfed me with its promise to bury my secrets. 

Do you even notice that I am lying through my teeth? I desperately need you too. 

Why don’t you call me out? You have the power to save me, because right now I can’t save myself. 

I am tired of fighting. I am tired of feeling. I don’t want to live like this anymore. 

I thought I was okay… like I always do. I use all the coping mechanisms, yet nothing is helping. 

Dad asks what is stressing me out. He doesn’t understand, and  I can’t explain, how much deeper it is than that. 

I almost left today, but the Lord beckoned me to stay. My roommate reached out and acknowledged the pain I feel – it’s all I needed. She comforted me and reminded me that it’s okay how I feel. 
Sue at The Well shared with me tonight that she struggles with feeling like the Lord has abandoned her, and I was able to look her in the eyes and say, “God does not abandon.” I believed every word. 

Hey God, it’s really hard talking to you right now, because I am too tired to fight anymore. I just need something more. Please give me something different. I need something new. Please fix me, because I can’t do this anymore. I am about to give up, God. I need you. Amen 

Advertisements

Author:

I'm just going to be real, sorry to offend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s