Reflection

{God reveal to me the words that belong in this space. Guide what I am saying, and illuminate the things you have placed on my heart. Remove the words that may come from my flesh, that I may be authentic in this space.}

My boss kicked me out of the office yesterday afternoon, and I have been banished until Sunday, so I guess this is the best time to update the remnant that have stuck with me through the last two years.

Since my last post in March, I began visiting a Christian Practice once a week to sort out things that are impeding on my walk with Christ. The remnant knows, that I know a lot about my own character – the good and the bad – and I like for things to make sense. This obviously makes therapy pleasant for me, because I can label the parts of myself that do not make sense, and work on the part of myself that I do not like. {My therapist would cringe if she read that.}
On top of my weekly visits, I have joined a group study called “Faithwalking” where we analyze why we place meanings behind actions. This group has been very difficult for me, as it dredges up memories that I happily locked away a number of years ago. It is so powerful the things that the Holy Spirit reveals when I am willing to listen.

Coupled with paying attention to my soul, Connect to the Kingdom began the summer season. We are now fully staffed, as God hand picked each staff member, and saved our butts. Seriously, I laid in bed every night for a week panicking that we would not be able to fill the two spots we had available, but why the hell was I worried? I’ve had more fun with my staff in the last month, that I have had in years.

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Yeah obviously we have a lot of crap we have to deal with, we stay up till 5am praying over C2K, we cry, we scream, we worship, but most importantly we support each other. I have never been part of such a supportive community in my entire life, and I am reminded daily where I was and that God hand picked my circumstances. Yeah I’m damn tired all the time/ I get emotionally drained because I’m functioning as an extrovert, but I love it more than anything I’ve ever done.
When I look back on the last year of my life, I realize how much awakening I have experienced. Last summer stirred in me the desire to find where I belong, and the desire to work on my value in Christ. Right now I don’t know where I will be in two months, and when I look at where I was two months ago I laugh because it just reinforces the point. While I worry myself with not knowing what I’m doing I’m working on finding comfort in that. The reality of my situation is that the rest of my staff doesn’t know where they are going to we in two months either, and they are some of the most wonderful Christians I know. We are twenty-somethings so we have all screwed up pretty big, but God will not abandon us…

That fact is something I’m working on internalizing. God will not abandon me. He will not abandon me. He won’t abandon me. I’m going to be okay because God won’t abandon me. I will not be abandoned by God. Everyone else may abandon me – I have been abandoned – God will not abandon me. I am not alone, because God has not and will not abandon me.

I promised myself in January that I would work on being happy, and do things that encourage that spirit in my life. I thank God for putting people in my life that make me happy, and help me slow down when I am spinning out of control.

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XO

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About macycrone

I'm just going to be real, sorry to offend.
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