A Hairy Situation

Over the years my hair has served as an identity. Being person I am, who until recently didn’t understand the lengths society goes to in order to put pressure on appearance and the hidden messages we are spoon fed from birth, I never saw anything wrong with the things I do/did in order for it to “look good”. Over the last year I have easily spent $90 on boxes of hair dye alone, but this does not include “other products” I have used such as: peroxide, apple cider vinegar, lemons, limes, oranges, eggs, cinnamon, brown sugar, coconut oil (bc I stripped all the oil out of my hair on three separate occasions), honey, baking soda, salt, vinegar, dawn (thankfully I did not use laundry detergent because it was suggested but I read pages of reviews and started to find ones saying it makes your hair fall out (don’t judge me, as least I do my research)).

The scary part about all of this in my opinion: I have done things like this my whole life.

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(2007) Long hair was is style, I finally was allowed to get rid of the stupid kid bangs most moms force their daughters to have for the first ten years or so of their life, so I was excited.

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(2008) Getting a bit more independent, I’m a southern girl, so short hair is generally accepted due to the heat. Low maintenance, and I got to chop my hair off with out mom suggesting it.

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(2009) I did the bob, it was in style and flashy enough to get attention. I was entering high school, trying to figure out who I was so it made sense (no).

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(2010) Enter the bangs, I grew out the bob, and traded it for bangs which fit my personality better which at this point I was starting to figure out what that meant and how to deal with it. Also, my forehead is huge and after being told that for X number of years it gets to you. I had a small stage between the bob and bang period where I dyed my hair one shade darker and it was cute but not very noticeable.

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(2011) Welcome to the braid years. In this picture you can very clearly see on your right my braid a.k.a. rat-tail, or Padawan. I sharpied it blue (as depicted here). The braid symbolized an understanding of the the importance of staying grounded, which I have often let become my identity of the years be it good or bad. Also, rare forehead picture.

2012 had some really “ugly” dye jobs (mostly because I still liked my hair when I dyed it and regretted doing it) so I don’t have any pictures from that (sorry not so sorry, but sort of in the “I’m not supposed to be ashamed but red is not my color” kind of way.)

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(2013) Senior year – rule the world – go off the college – get a great job – party with my friends – stereotype – stereotype – blah blah blah. My bangs are too short, because I cut them at home in the sink right before this picture was taken, and I didn’t even go to the school we were celebrating me getting into. Major dye job going on.

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More of 2013 as I continued to do dying and forehead covering, the picture at the bottom the color is faded, and no one would care or notice, but I trained myself to point out those types of things probably due to all the chemicals that seeped directly into my brain.

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So the purple hair was king of all dye jobs, totally rebellious and meant to emphasize my ridiculous “I don’t care what you think” personality. What it taught me is that I like being outlandish, and drawing attention to myself.

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   The color is faded and I redid it about two weeks after this picture.

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Dyed right over the purple and this was about a month after the picture above.

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(2014) See the difference in color? I dyed it again between the picture above and this picture.

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After dying over the purple a million times and it just getting worse to the point my head looked like a giant gradient sheet, I did a “color oops” kit, which jump started my hairs evolution back into its natural color.

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Remember the braid from 2011? yeah, it survived all those transitions.

 

So why does any of this matter? Because tomorrow I am getting my hair professionally fixed. I am saying goodbye to the braid, I am saying goodbye to dying, and I am saying goodbye to letting the opinions of any and everyone with a mouth define and control me as an individual. I have allowed Social Norms and trends to dictate my decisions, and I am done. Tomorrow I start fresh, not just with this haircut, but spiritually. My relationship with God has suffered because I have allowed myself to listen to the world instead of God.

IMG_8715So here I am tonight, no makeup, discolored hair in my eyes, braid undone, fully content in who I am.

 

 

My Prayer moving forward:
Hey God, please give me strength as I let go of the mistakes I have made in the past. Please help me to move forward in this journey, and not let the past trip me up. Renew me in you, as I surrender everything, as look to the future. Amen.

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I'm just going to be real, sorry to offend.

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