The toasty feeling skin gets, after retreating from the rain paired with music that gives one a weird feeling, merge into me as I sit at the library. Dressed like my eight grade year complete with beanie, Vans, and black skinny jeans, I feel warm after being outside. Three stacks of notebooks sit surrounding my computer, a double branch light fixture lives on the table, the perfect amount of organization and clutter. While all these things pair to make the perfect study environment, I can’t focus on my work. The need for coffee and time alone fill me with anxious thoughts, I need to get away. I want to paint. I wish I could play piano, I would drink tea will I did. A list of to dos fill my head, as I look to the day to follow as well as the weekend ahead.
Peers from my past life fill my head as I sit in this space, allowing my thoughts to wander, because I know I can’t get them out of my head until they are out of my suppressed conscience. This can’t keep happening. Chills overcome my body, and I’m suddenly cold again.
Fall is an interesting time in life. It is suppose to symbolize renewal, as the leaves change and die, along with the rain washing away the old season to bring in a new one. Often times the decisions we make in the fall don’t wash away in the winter, and it’s easy to forget that. This is especially true in Texas, when the seasons are all screwy, and no one knows today from tomorrow if it will be cold or hot. They say location is everything. They are right. Is my location where I’m suppose to be? I thought I had solved this issue recently, and that it wouldn’t be an issue again this quickly, but fears don’t die easily.